Idiot?

I feel like an idiot. Went ecp to support the gals training and didnt manage to find them after cycling from big splash to sailing centre.
Then had to rush down to flyer to help transport his bike stuff coz he said 1030 is too late. Almost banged into the car in front at the traffic lights coz was msging him my location.
Arrived flyer saw them just sitting around. Not even loading the van yet. Then tasked to look after the goods at the booth while they load the van. Ok....
Then they reappeared with food, saying that the organiser gave them and they had to finish it first. So now, they are eating. And all I had for dinner was a small bowl of porridge earlier.

I felt like an idiot. Revolving my life around him when it is not the other way around. Feels like he is using me for transportation and companion when he needs it only. F. Subconciously, I thought I should end it all. What is then holding me back now?

幸福

幸福的定义到底是什么。。。真的是看到心爱的人幸福就可以了吗? 那为什么还会心酸的感觉呢?

害怕

当我会害怕骑脚踏车时, 是不是代表着什么?

怀疑

当我开始怀疑这份感情时, 是否代表这并不是爱情?

10000

So we patched back. Maybe like the 3rd time in 3 months of being together. His cash flow is tight coz of the closure of the fight club. Though he did not open his mouth, i offered to loan him with interest. Sgd 10,000.00/=. This was specifically for his taiwan bike show happening this week.
Then I started researching online for IOU samples. And read a lot on friends who do not pay back. Will it happen to me as well? To be frank, I am a little doubtful about getting the money back now..-_-