Idiot?

I feel like an idiot. Went ecp to support the gals training and didnt manage to find them after cycling from big splash to sailing centre.
Then had to rush down to flyer to help transport his bike stuff coz he said 1030 is too late. Almost banged into the car in front at the traffic lights coz was msging him my location.
Arrived flyer saw them just sitting around. Not even loading the van yet. Then tasked to look after the goods at the booth while they load the van. Ok....
Then they reappeared with food, saying that the organiser gave them and they had to finish it first. So now, they are eating. And all I had for dinner was a small bowl of porridge earlier.

I felt like an idiot. Revolving my life around him when it is not the other way around. Feels like he is using me for transportation and companion when he needs it only. F. Subconciously, I thought I should end it all. What is then holding me back now?

幸福

幸福的定义到底是什么。。。真的是看到心爱的人幸福就可以了吗? 那为什么还会心酸的感觉呢?

害怕

当我会害怕骑脚踏车时, 是不是代表着什么?

怀疑

当我开始怀疑这份感情时, 是否代表这并不是爱情?

10000

So we patched back. Maybe like the 3rd time in 3 months of being together. His cash flow is tight coz of the closure of the fight club. Though he did not open his mouth, i offered to loan him with interest. Sgd 10,000.00/=. This was specifically for his taiwan bike show happening this week.
Then I started researching online for IOU samples. And read a lot on friends who do not pay back. Will it happen to me as well? To be frank, I am a little doubtful about getting the money back now..-_-

Another defeat

U know I don't come to you unless I need to tell somebody something and there is no somebody around. So here goes...
Another failure in a relationship. This time it just ended. "Noted with thanks."was all I received after I voiced out my opinons and concerns over whatsapp. Wtf does that means?
We did not text for the 2 days after. Sucks big time. Although to be frank I know this is better for me at the end of the day...
He has a kid. But not married to the mother. But they keep in contact still. I saw his whatsapp before, they were talking sweet nothings to each other. Also saw the msg where the mother wants to reunite with the father. And the uncontested divorce. Actually I know a lot more than he thinks I know. He probably thought I am too tootz to realise these...and he doesnt tell me all these. The thailand wife and daughter. I wonder when he will tell me the truth. But I stayed put in the relationship. And I kept quiet about all these hoping he will come clean to me one day. But till date, nope.
I am not asking for a lot. Just someone who understands and appreciates me and don't shut me off the phone. But he always shuts me off the phone. Hangs me up when he is angry. I HATE THAT! And that was also how it erupted on saturday night. We were on the phone taloing about cycling. Then he started scolding me. And i kept quiet, just said i wanna go up the lift. Then he hung me up. Though he msg me a while later, I really really wasnt in the mood to reply him. And came the long essay from me where I got the curt reply. End of us. Like wtf.

辞职了

我辞职了。说真的,我不知道这是不是对的选择。 其实在这个公司很快乐,也从同事学了很多日常常识。。。只是自卑感作祟,总觉得永远追不上人家。我会怀疑自己是不是在走回头路???

会有可能吗。。。

和J谈了。已经和他坦白了我们是不可能的,  而他也不是我的类型。起初和他谈判后连朋友都不可能继续, 但是谈了两次后, 他还是想试试看追我。从没遇过这么坚持的男生。。。希望不是给了他错误的想法。。。。。。